Women Corner

Breaking the Silence

August 14th, 2009 |

Bad communication is a plague that can destroy a perfectly good marriage. Every once in a while you hear might hear a friend or colleague say something like: “Oh me and my husband NEVER fight.” This only means one of two things…that your friend has beaten incredibly short odds and ended up in a relationship that needs 0 upkeep, or she’s under the false impression that “silence” is golden in a relationship. It’s not. In fact silence in a relationship is a bomb waiting to blow up and divorce is typically the only rubble left over.

How do I know if we’re stuck in the “Silent Rut”?

Have you and your husband had a fight within the last few months? If you haven’t then there may be a problem. Actually…have you and your spouse had ANY sort of meaningful discussion over the last few months? You may have disconnected somewhere. Maybe there was a point where one or both of you, either intentionally or unconsciously decided that to just stop talking instead of dealing with the shouting or negative criticisms that accompany heated arguments.

Is it really that big a deal?

YES! In a healthy marriage argument both parties are typically trying to overpower or force someone to their point of view. Although of course this rarely works, it does mean something. It means that you both care enough to fight about it. Couples that fight are simply reacting to a perceived “threat” to the happiness and contentment of the marriage. “Silence” is simply not caring enough to fight for it anymore.

Thankfully silence in a relationship is easy to fix. Talk. It sounds so simple but it’s surprising how hard that first step is. After a long bout of silence, breaking it can feel like walking over some invisible line that’s been drawn in the sand. Once the lines of communication are open again, its time to start figuring out why the silence happened in the first place and what you can both do to help you reconnect the original attraction and desire to be together you one had.

Will breaking the silence always work out for the best? No. In fact, if you’ve lived in silence for so long, the “divorce talk” might be coming sooner than you think and breaking the silence might just expedite the process. It’s better however to communicate now, while there’s a chance at salvaging the marriage, rather than waiting until it’s too late. If you feel like your marriage might be stuck in the silence mode, sit your husband down right away. Make him open up to you and start repairing any damage done.

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